How To "Like Like" Where You Live
Moving to a new city can be like going on a first date with someone you just met on eharmony. You feel excited, skeptical, uncertain, and a little like you could throw up. Am I being catfished? Cities are rightfully experts at this. What if they smell? I grew up with a mysterious aroma from the nearby beet plant in - shout out to American Crystal Sugar. What is my exit strategy? While these thoughts are real possibilities, chances are you'll find something in common with Jeffrey from two towns over who likes dogs, grilling, and rom-coms. In other words, with a little effort getting to know your new city, it is very possible to learn to like, maybe even love, where you live.
I'm part of a military family and we move a lot. Like, A LOT. Getting acclimated to a new place is nothing new for us over here. We are currently in the thick of PCS (Permanent Change of Station in military lingo) season, and many of my friends and neighbors just packed up and shipped off to somewhere new. This blog is for them, and anyone saying, "I hate it here." Today, we talk strategies to feel more connected to where you live.
Strategy 1: Volunteer. You'll feel better.
The first time I moved away from my hometown of good ol' Moorhead, MN, where the Dairy Queen Dilly Bar was invented, I was wreck. You could catch me sitting on the floor of the hotel shower, crying, setting up my Bumble BFF account for the areas surrounding Manhattan, KS. While this avenue of connection didn't end up working out for me, I did find some activities that did. I ended up volunteering per advice from my therapist who thought I might be experiencing Adjustment Disorder. Backed by research, the act of regularly volunteering can improve symptoms of depression, life satisfaction, and overall well-being. So, I got involved with an assisted-living community called Meadowlark. I genuinely love listening to people and their stories, so this was a good fit. Not to mention I got to have coffee, ice cream, and go to movies with residents for free. I mean, come on now.
Therefore, the first recommended strategy to learn to like where you live is to search for volunteer opportunities that interest you. Like exercise and fitness? Check to see if there are any 5, 10k, half-marathon, or marathons coming up. Oh, you love animals? Explore opportunities at the zoo or animal shelters in town. Enjoy the arts and theatre? Someone's gotta help sell tickets to the upcoming local production of Guys and Dolls. No volunteer opportunities near you? Make your own. Create a group that picks up trash on Saturday mornings and get coffee afterward. Create a group that gets together and craft, quilt, or sew literally anything for families in need. By volunteering, we are out and about, connecting with people, and learning about community resources. This strategy is a chef's kiss.
Strategy 2: Challenge in your Inner Dora the Explorer
I have a 3 and soon-to-be 5 year old in the house so Dora the Explorer lore seems fitting for this next strategy which is to make your own or follow an already created scavenger hunt. I chose to link El Paso, TX because many of my military friends just moved there, but you'll get the gist. A scavenger hunt may sound cheesy, but you will feel so much better when you try it and lean into it. When I studied abroad in Bulgaria, I was smacked really hard in the face with culture shock. Within a day of being there, I was already planning my flight home. After a few days, the school, the American University in Bulgaria, hosted a scavenger hunt of our town, Blagoevgrad. Despite being in the middle of a mental breakdown, I forced myself to go. I dedicated 2 hours to walking around my new city, finding coffee shops, hiking trails, shopping centers, restaurants with random people who ended up becoming some of my dearest friends. So grab a Boots or Diego (just yourself is great, too!), pack a "backpack, backpack," and "say it with me:" "Do. A. Scavenger Hunt!"
Strategy 3: All By Yourself
Ope. Plot twist! I'm not talking about a way to improve your personal opinion of your new town, here. Rather, this little bit is about learning to love living in yourself. OOF. I cringed a little writing that last sentence, but alas here we are. Getting deep. I actually did not plan this one as a strategy, but it came up for me as I was pondering other ideas for this topic. I realized the place we all live the most is with ourselves, or, in our heads. So instead of spending all of your energy getting out in your new community, I think it's worthwhile to spend some quiet time to just sit with yourself and your mind, in the comfort of your own home. Do you enjoy spending time with just yourself? Before my husband deployed, I do not think I could always answer yes to that question. But, after months and months in a new city by myself, I absolutely became better at being in solitude, and now I truly enjoy it. In all, think of being in a new place as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what fills your cup.
Closing Thoughts
I hope this little blog piece encouraged you to give Jeffr - I mean, your new city a second, third, and fourth date before you phone in that final Yelp review.
As always, if your loneliness, sadness persists for longer than 2 weeks and it is difficult to perform daily functions, reach out to a mental health professional in your area. It is no easy task to move somewhere new; many of us have been on that struggle bus and we see you.
Thanks for reading words and thoughts from my own brain!
HF
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